Wednesday, September 29, 2010

blah blah blah

I learned how to make a really nice chart using Excel. It shows the ups and downs of my daily happiness, next to the ups and downs of my adherence to the healthy behavior plan. It's beautiful and fascinating, I think. But I can't figure out how to add it to one of my posts here. Maybe I should have stuck with the on-line programs.

I rated my mood at a 6 this morning. I feel kind of miserable, but also kind of resigned and content with being miserable. We find out in two weeks if Sweetie got this latest job in California. If she did, we'll be moving soon.

It seems like I'd be so happy out there that even job hunting couldn't get me down. I feel like I'd be content just working at Starbucks or Safeway, if it meant I got to live where I love. I wonder if that's true? I wonder if I'll get out there and have the same problems I have here. I doubt it.

And anyway, I'm not there yet. We don't know who they're going to offer this job to. They're not going to offer it to me, that's for sure. Thank goodness Sweetie has more marketable skills than I do.

This project is starting to seem kind of pointless. I don't have much to write about. The recipes I thought would be interesting turn out to be kind of boring. I don't really stick to the plan, and I don't know why. But I'm going to keep up with it anyway. Just one look at my beautiful chart is very convincing. Do this makes me feel better. Doing it well actually seems to make me happy. I got up at 5:55 this morning, so I still have a chance at a perfect score. I haven't gotten a perfect score these whole two plus weeks. In the beginning I was almost perfect, but I kept forgetting to brush my teeth after lunch and my afternoon snack. I've gotten better at that.

I've lost a pound and a half in seventeen days, which is so little as to feel negligible. Maybe I should just face the fact that my weight is in the low 170's and toss out all the clothes I have that only fit in the low 150's. But I just can't do it. I love those clothes too much. And even a pound in a half in 17 days is still losing weight. It's almost a tenth of a pound a day. At this rate, I will be back down to my ideal weight of 154 in 190 days.

Of course, the whole goal of this program is not to loose weight. I'm not even supposed to be keeping track. And I give myself my food points even if I eat 2000 calories a day, which is pretty much maintenance for me. And, of course, I don't get my food points everyday.

Actually, I just went and fooled around on my excel spreadsheet, and it's easy to see that I loose food points the most often. Food and sleep are the most difficult things to stick to. Exercise and water have identical scores. Hygiene is the easiest one, especially now that I've started to remember to brush my teeth after meals and snacks.

I don't have anything interesting to write today. It's all blah blah blah, poor me, I struggle so to be happy! Ugh. I'm glad no one reads this. I wonder if this is helpful. I should be tracking whether I write about this in the morning as part of the experiment. I suspect I am happier when I take time to write in the morning, even is all I write is drivel.

I'm going to start writing shorter entries here, and maybe tackling more concrete topics than just whatever I feel like writing. And if I can spend less time writing this crap, maybe I can actually find a little time each morning to work on other things that do seem worthwhile to me. Maybe.

I'm pretty sure that would make me happy.

I'd start right now, but it's time for me to go jogging. It's not quite light out right now, dim. I love that. I'd better get out there soon before the sun really gets out of bed.

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